According to the FBI, I am a Militia Violent Extremist

The evidence is quite damning. And yes, the country is in the best of hands:

Project Veritas released a newly leaked document today provided by an FBI whistleblower, which shows how the Bureau classifies American citizens it deems to be potential “Militia Violent Extremists” [MVEs].

In the document, the FBI cites symbols, images, phrases, events, and individuals that agents should look out for when identifying alleged domestic terrorists.

Here is one page of the handout from the FBI:

Evidence of my guilt:

Betsy Ross flag at my house; listed in the bottom of the second column of the handout
“Come and take it” t-shirt that I wear to the gym, listed in the middle of second column of the handout
Decal on my car showing “warrior culture” themes (second column of the handout). This one is actually a two-fer, as the phrase in Greek means “come and take it”; this is also very naughty according to the handout.

Given that I haven’t yet joined a violent militia, why do I have these terrible things?

The first house my wife and I bought was built in Connecticut around the time of the American Revolution. We bought the Betsy Ross flag to match the house and brought it with us as we moved around the country. A few years ago it was in tatters and we needed a new one. This was around the time that the football player Colin Kaepernick declared the Betsy Ross flag to be racist, so I immediately bought a replacement and displayed it proudly. Fuck that knee-bending loser.

I was visiting family in Texas a few years ago and saw the t-shirt on display at the Texas State Capitol gift shop. I wanted a souvenir of my Texas heritage, as the Porters moved to East Texas in the 1840’s. The shirt commemorates the Battle of Gonzales, which was the first battle of the Texas War of Independence. “Come and take it” was the Texians reply to the Mexican army when they demanded they give up their cannon. Holy crap, the Texas State Capitol is selling violent militia stuff! Alert Director Wray!

I put the decal on my car to show my support for the Second Amendment. The Greek phrase “Molon labe” means “Come and take it” and was Leonidas’ famous reply to the Persians’ demand to surrender their weapons. See The Histories by Herodotus, book 7 as I recall. See also The 300.

I just realized I’m in more danger than I thought: not only do I have a Spartan decal on my car, but I’ve actually visited Thermopylae! And I watched the Punisher on Netflix (first column on the handout) and enjoyed it! No doubt I’ll be joining the January 6th protesters in prison very soon.

More seriously, the FBI handout shows how our elites view (and loathe) the common man in this country. Simply being patriotic and believing in the Second Amendment gets you labeled a domestic terrorist. If that’s the definition, then I’m proud to be a Militia Violent Extremist.

Does anyone know where can I get an electrical resistor decal for my car?

By Stephen

About me

Professor and quant guy. Libertarian turned populist Republican. Trying to learn Japanese and play Spanish Baroque music on the ukulele.

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